I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
