That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
