so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He better not be in your backpack
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
