i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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