i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
