I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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