he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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