hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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