Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
