He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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