i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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