yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
