Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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