highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
