I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
