so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
someone owes me an orgasm
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's just like the Real World with babies
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
