My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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