he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
