loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
