I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
