I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
