Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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