So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
