so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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