Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
