Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
