I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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