So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
