I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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