and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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