you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
