remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
