best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
