I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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