so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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