Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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