upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
