I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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