dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
