I could make wine with my vomit
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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