Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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