My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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