Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
