2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
