so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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