Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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