I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
