69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
