The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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