i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
