bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
