The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
